Ordinary People Extraordinary Things
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Ordinary People Extraordinary Things
68. ?Questioning Faith - Is it Real? with Cartier Cole
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-Have you ever found yourself at a crossroads between the familiar faith of your upbringing and the uncharted waters of your personal beliefs? As a pastor's daughter, Cartier grew up in church. Her story is a testament to the courage it takes to step back, question, and seek a faith that is not just inherited but earnestly owned.
❓“My parents gave me the space to ask questions - no matter what they were.”
❓“I would encourage you to figure out what questions you have. That helps you process & decide some things.”
-We also touch on the beauty of discipleship through unexpected friendships —a profound reminder that the journey of faith can be a shared one, full of kindness and mutual growth.
—Join us as we navigate the complexities of faith, self-discovery, and the importance of asking the hard questions that refine our beliefs and relationship with Jesus.
For Cartier’s husband’s story:
#43 Atheist to Jesus Follower with Stephen Cole
https://www.buzzsprout.com/1882033/12703610-43-atheist-to-jesus-follower-with-stephen-cole
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Faith Journey Through Uncertainty
Speaker 1Welcome to Ordinary People , extraordinary Things . I'm your host , nancy , and I get to talk to ordinary people just like you , about real stories . Do you know someone who would be encouraged or inspired by this episode Today ? Could you take the time to send this to them ? We are spreading the word about Ordinary People , extraordinary Things , to bring faith and hope into our communities . Well , welcome to Ordinary People , extraordinary Things . I'm here with Carter Carter , thanks for coming on . Hi , thanks for having me . I'm just so excited to have a conversation with you about your faith journey . Thanks me too . So if anyone doesn't know you , could you give three words or phrases to describe yourself ?
Speaker 2I can sure try . So firstly , it'd probably be a hyphenated word Jesus follower . That's a big part of my life . For the most part it always has been . Loyal is probably a big one for me . The people in my life matter a lot to me . Let's go with persevering . Oh , that's a good one . That's an ongoing one .
Speaker 1Yeah , yeah . Is it easy for you to persevere , or you just find that you have to ?
Speaker 2I wouldn't say it's easy , yeah happening , because life is forcing it . Yeah it does that , yeah , so yes .
Speaker 1All right . Well , those are good ones . So you grew up in the church . Your dad was a pastor your whole life . So I'm sure I had a friend that was in middle school and high school and her dad was a pastor and she always got the very famous quote of like oh , you're a pastor's daughter , You're going to whatever they say about pastors .
Speaker 2Yeah , totally yeah .
Speaker 1I was like , oh , you're kind of setting her up for failure .
Speaker 2I know right , it can feel like that .
Speaker 1So you grew up in the church and I assume you kind of had a , because when you're growing up you kind of take on the faith of your parents . Is that kind of how it was for you too . Yeah , definitely Okay . And then what kind of made you walk away ?
Speaker 2Not until I moved out of the house after high school Did I really even start considering that maybe what I , the ideology I grew up with , could be I don't know what , if it's wrong . Basically , let's see what the rest of the world has to say , Like how does that hold up ?
Speaker 1Okay , so kind of the whole college also . People talk about like I'm on my own , I have the chance to make my own decisions figure this out yeah , that's kind of where you were as well . Yeah , okay .
Speaker 2Yeah , I think that's just part of that part of life . Yeah , yeah , there was a period of time for like a year or two after high school I was just working full time , not going to school . I just kind of thought to myself like I don't know what if this isn't true , and I started hanging out with people that weren't necessarily bad but had a not a Christian lifestyle . So I became very influenced by that and so , after some time had passed , I thought to myself like I don't think I see God , I don't think I'm seeing any of that be true . So I felt that way for a little while . But I think my biggest advantage was that I stayed curious , Okay , and I always was asking questions . I was never really satisfied with just kind of being a limbo , so you wanted to either believe or not believe .
Speaker 2Yes , okay , and that's a big part of my personality .
Speaker 1Okay .
Speaker 2I was very tied to my morals and values . So , yeah , I wanted to have some sort of resolution in my mind . So anyway yeah , that's , that was the beginning of walking away . Wow , yeah .
Speaker 1Wow , so during this time I'm the after high school and you started to like I don't know if I believe this , Did you ? Were you going to church ? Were you reading the Bible ? Were you doing kind of the things that kind of keep you centered and focused more on God , or were you taking that time and just stepping away and yeah , so I was going to church with my family every week still for pretty much that whole time until I went off to college .
Speaker 2It was a mutual decision my parents and I had come to to go to South Carolina for college , and so I went and did that and it was a Christian school and so I was able to continue to ask questions and wrestle . Yeah , I don't know if that answers your question . No , yeah , so you stayed home after , after high school for a while , yeah , and you were in the Bible or anything like that just kind of going to Sunday because , you've always gone , yeah , ok .
Speaker 1So you were asking questions You're trying to figure out hey , am I going to believe this or not ? And did you completely walk away from Jesus for a while ?
Speaker 2I don't know if that's the right word . Yeah , I don't know about completely . I was in a space where I was just kind of thinking to myself I don't know if what I have grown up with is true , and so I don't know that I ever got to a point where I was like it's not , it's not . Ok , but I was , I don't know , somewhere on the spectrum of like I don't know , yeah , and really not living a lifestyle that would point me toward any of that being true .
Speaker 1So yeah . So you said that you were like I don't know if this is real . You were seeing kind of the world in a different way . What made you think that maybe it wasn't ?
Speaker 2I think my lifestyle at the time and just being surrounded by people who don't have a relationship with the Lord , I think it's really easy to walk away from God and from church and people involved in it and to stop seeing where God is working all of a sudden and be , like huh , ok , well , maybe this isn't true . That was kind of the space I was in , was just hanging out with people who didn't really believe any of that so like , if you don't know how to look for God or know how to see Him , you're not going to .
Speaker 2So that was kind of a big mantra for that period of my life , sure .
Speaker 1Was that hard to be honest with your specifically ? Probably your parents , because they'd raised you very fiercely into a Christian home . Yeah , Was that hard for you to tell them ?
Speaker 2Yeah , it was very hard , especially because for most of my life my parents and I have been pretty close , and so to know that I am believing or feeling something that they don't agree with gave me a lot of turmoil inside and I didn't love , but I felt like I had to be honest with myself and go through those things and ask those questions .
Speaker 1Yeah . So then you went to college , and how was your relationship with God at that time ?
Speaker 2Yeah , so I was there for one semester in total and it was the second semester , so it's halfway through the year already starting . I was new to the state and so I didn't have a lot of friends for most of that time . The first two months of the semester , so the first half I was really spending a lot of time just wrestling and asking questions . My parents specifically my dad gave me for the first time I felt like , the space to ask questions , no matter what they were .
Speaker 1To ask him , to ask God , to ask anyone , all of it , yeah .
Speaker 2And I think at one point , while I was there at college , my dad and I were maybe on the phone or emailing and he said I would encourage you to figure out what questions you have and that in itself helps you actually process and decide some things , even if it's only what questions do I have ?
Speaker 1Instead of just being like yeah . I don't know , I don't believe this . What is , you know ? Just abstract . Ok , so he was asking for specific . Ok , that's a great question , yeah .
Speaker 2I started just writing down and then it kind of just flowed . Questions are things that didn't sit right that I've experienced whether in church or in the Bible . Yeah , I think that really forced me to kind of actually come to some kind of resolution with like . So about two months in I'm like , ok , well , maybe I'll give this another shot . Let's see if maybe this really is true . And then I started to experience a lot of things for myself with the Lord that I hadn't , and so those have marked me in my life .
Speaker 1OK , yeah , would you mind sharing ?
Speaker 2some of the questions you had . Well , let's see if I can remember .
Speaker 1Or just maybe like abstract , like was it is God good , Is it ? Why do bad things happen ? Some of those , or were they more ?
Speaker 2It was maybe a little bit of that . If I remember right , I think it was more my issues were with people and not God . Oh well , that's . And again , I didn't know that until I had kind of written all that out and been like and actually reflected back on it and kind of saw it for what it was . So I think that was the moment where I was like OK , well , if all my issues are with people , that's not God , so what does that change for me ? And it changed a lot in my mind actually . So Wow .
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Navigating Faith and Personal Growth
Speaker 1Do you think some of that and I don't want to get too much on like the preacher's daughter thing , but do you think that there is a little bit more heaviness that people put on you ? That's not the right word , but do you know what I'm saying ? Like there's more that you have to be .
Speaker 2In some ways . Yeah , definitely the eyes of most everyone in the church are on you in some way or another . They at least know who you are and know your face , and so in that way , I think I have always felt very responsible for the reputation of my family and upholding that in a good way , which can be a lot of pressure . But I don't know , sometimes it was , sometimes it wasn't Okay , yeah , so you said that there were some things that marked you .
Speaker 1Could you share some of those ?
Speaker 2Yeah , if I can recall . Yes so back to that time , while I was away in college , this kind of question asking my dad had with me . He had me send him the questions and some of him he responded to . Some of him he was like , yeah , I don't know , that's a good question , and to have that response as well was also , I think , reassuring for me . To be like , oh okay , not all the questions have to be answered . It's okay to have some to be confused and not understand God and how he's working .
Speaker 1Fully that may always be true , because maybe we shouldn't be able to understand a God that we can understand completely .
Speaker 2Yeah , that would make him very small .
Speaker 1That would make him pretty small , which again I don't really like , because I like answers yeah yeah , me too . Answers resolution yes , Like black and white , but that is not . Yeah , that is not the world , that is not our God . Yeah , but sorry , keep going . No , you're good .
Speaker 2So yeah , basically this whole time I was in Charleston , south Carolina , at college marked me in my faith , because I was doing all that wrestling for two months before I even was like , okay , I'll give this a shot again , maybe let's just see . And I remember in that moment the semester was a hard time for me . Every second felt so slow and I wanted to be home with people I knew so bad the whole time and I was pretty literally alone most of the semester . I didn't have a roommate in my dorm . I was , you know , trying to meet people and build relationships . Still , it was a bittersweet time because I was very lonely . But I also experienced the Lord in a new way I hadn't , and so in that way it was really great .
Speaker 2But I remember , after I had kind of sorted through all the questions and confusion I had with God , I kind of came to a point where , like I said , I was like , okay , maybe I'll give this a shot again . I had a physical response . I was experiencing something in my body I hadn't before . I didn't know what was going on , I just felt really good . I couldn't explain it . I felt light , I felt happy , I felt peace , and so I was . I was so confused by that . I was like what is going on ? Later in the semester I'm spending more time in the Word ? It's Christian college , so I had classes that required . I do that so .
Speaker 2I did it a lot and I came to a passage in John I think it's 1427 , and Jesus is talking to his disciples , preparing them for when he isn't going to be with them anymore permanently , and he's telling them about how the Holy Spirit is going to come on the scene . And Jesus offers the world , or offers a peace that the world can't give , and I immediately identified that was what I was experiencing in that moment Is it peace I leave with you .
Speaker 1My peace . I give to you , not as a world gives do I give to you . Let not your hearts be troubled , neither let them be afraid .
Speaker 2I think so yeah , that's one translation . Yeah , so I was like , oh , I'm experiencing the peace and joy of the Lord and yeah , it was so profound , so , yeah , that was really like the cornerstone , I guess , of my faith really beginning .
Speaker 1Oh , wow , yeah , it's so fun to hear because you grew up in church your whole life . My kids have grown up in church , their whole life .
Speaker 1I grew up in church . My whole life and part of me is like I don't want them ever to walk away , I don't want them ever to question , I don't want them . But at the same time , you have to , and maybe it looks different , different variations for different people , but it has to become your own at some point , and so that that is one of the reasons I wanted to have you on is because for people like me that are in the midst of raising their kids and maybe I don't want to say fearful , but okay , are they going to walk away ? Are they ? What's going to happen ?
Speaker 1And to have your story of hope , of yeah , but I had to in order to really have it be mine , or have it be bigger , or what's a better word to make it personal yeah yeah , again , these are kind of words that you hear in Christian world is like the prodigal son , and I don't know if I want to throw that on your life , but there's a lot of people who are praying for their prodigal children is what they would call them . Is they've walked away from their faith and for years and years and years and like really not asking any questions or completely said no to Jesus . And what would you maybe say to one of those parents that are listening .
Speaker 2It's a tough spot to be in . I really get it , also because both of my brothers are currently not not walking with the Lord and haven't been really since they've become adults . I just feel like the biggest difference between me and them in that way is that I continued to ask questions and be curious and they at least for my brothers haven't been , and so they've been kind of stuck in that place for a while , which is fine . That's their journey . But yeah , I know that's really hard for parents to just sit back and watch and try and support their kids . I don't know . I feel like it's a necessary process for every person to go through as we grow up . Just encourage parents if they're in that place with their kids that it may not be like that forever , and do encourage your kids to ask . I feel like that was a big factor for me .
Speaker 1Yeah , so I love that , I love that . So what would you say to someone who is where you are , Like I just don't know ? Would you say that the number one thing would be to say write those questions down ?
Speaker 2Yeah , Mainly yeah , Okay , and ultimately , like I said , if you're not in the Word and like spending time with God and don't like understand how he works , what he looks like , you are probably not going to see Him . Yeah , it makes sense . You know why people feel that way . In that space there's a quote . I can't remember what it's from . If you are only looking for darkness . That's all you'll find . Sure , yeah , sure . That's kind of that idea .
Speaker 1Yeah , and that's kind of why I have my questions at the end as far as gratefulness and kindness is to kind of just make all of us who are listening , make continually make me remember that we need to look for these things . We need to , because otherwise it's easy to just start getting a little bit more pessimistic . Yeah , totally yes , very true . Is there anyone who really helped or hindered your journey ?
Speaker 2I have had a couple really helpful people in my life on a couple different occasions . When we lived back in Idaho I felt like a nudge . Looking back it was probably from the Lord , but a nudge to basically reach out to a woman . There were different people at different time , but someone older than me who could basically mentor me or disciple .
Speaker 2Yeah , and I had two really awesome women who were in my life at different points , who who walked with me in my faith and it was really cool to be able to experience that and be like , yeah , that's what it looks like to do discipling well . So , yeah , I feel really fortunate to have experience not one , but two different people who have been great for me .
Speaker 1I just see your face light up when you are speaking about stuff . That's so neat .
Speaker 2Yeah , they just did Jesus really well .
Speaker 1You said you have a cornerstone . It became personal and this is what I see in you and please say I don't see that but I think it's important , when you've made that decision , then to go all in , and that's what I see just from afar , seeing your life is . It's not just okay ? Yeah , jesus is real and I'll just keep doing my life however I want , right . Would you agree to disagree ? I would agree , yeah .
Speaker 2It's something I'm always working towards .
Speaker 1Yeah . So when you are like , okay , this is real . What else changed ? Or what did you change in your life ? What kind of happened to build ?
Speaker 2It's been a journey . It's been up and down for sure . I've always really struggled with being very swayed by the people I spend my time with . I am still always trying to look inward and ask myself if there are things standing in the way of like me and the Lord , me hearing the Lord , me being with Him , Like things . I'm putting my trust in my hope , joy , whatever , and so I'm still like in a place of really trying to let go of some things . But I'm also like totally sold out in a way that I haven't really been until even recently . The last six months I've kind of come to a new chapter in my faith in growing spiritually . That's been really great and really hard , oh my gosh . Really painful , but seeing a lot of growth in myself .
Speaker 1I don't know if that answered your question . No , it does so no doubts about that .
Speaker 2God is real and it hasn't been that way the whole time .
Speaker 1It's my point here , yeah right , just continuing to grow , which is a good reminder for all of us , right Is that ? Even when we're like , yeah , I am in , I believe all of that , just continuing , continuing , continuing to grow and walk out that path .
Speaker 3Yeah , that's so important to me .
Speaker 1Yeah Well , I love your story .
Speaker 3Thank you for sharing it , of course .
Speaker 1So , as we end , I always have some questions what is your favorite Bible verse or story ?
Speaker 2Okay , so my favorite Bible verse changes Right now . It's , I think it's John 4.24 . And it says that God wants worshipers who are willing to worship in spirit and in truth , because God is spirit .
Speaker 2And so we must , we must do both , and when I first heard that I was like , huh , what does that mean ? But God has kind of revealing its meaning to me over time and it's really close to my heart right now , just striving for a space in my worship with God where it's as authentic as it can be and also like nearness to the spirit , like just in its presence , like that's what that means to me right now , and so that's been really cool lately .
Speaker 1Yeah , that is . I don't think anyone's brought that one up when I looked it up really quick , it's . He's talking to the Samaritan woman at the well . So just a little context on where where that is and who he's talking to . So that's kind of interesting . I'll have to kind of look into that more and that's such a great story in itself . What are you grateful for ?
Speaker 2I'm really grateful for my family , specifically my husband . He's great , but I'm weirdly grateful for this season of life . There's a lot of things that are really hard . Right now , I feel very fortunate to have the life that I do . We're fortunate enough to be able to be living with my parents while my health isn't good and I can't work full time , and that's really just given me so much freedom in my schedule . I'm still working part time but , yeah , I'm grateful for my life being that way right now . Yeah , not just busy all the time . Yeah , yeah .
Speaker 1That's good , and her husband is Stephen Cole and he did one with me that I'll link on there that how he came to faith too .
Speaker 3So that was a great story in itself .
Kindness and Discipleship in Friendship
Speaker 1What kindness have you shown or what kindness have you seen from someone in the last week ?
Speaker 2Yesterday I met with a lady who has recently come into my life and wanted to disciple me . She reached out and that's never happened before . So I met with her yesterday and we have been for some time , but that's always a good time .
Speaker 1Oh , and it's kind of worked out as far as . Oh , how fun , wow , that's great , just her being like stepping forward and then you saying , yes , I think there's yeah basically , you know , she just wants to pour into me , Like who does that ? How lovely .
Speaker 2I know .
Speaker 1Oh yeah , well , I've loved our time together . Thanks , thank you for sharing your story with us . Yes , of course , thank you for listening . This is David and this is Rachel , and if you liked this episode , please share on social media and share with your friends .