Ordinary People Extraordinary Things
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Ordinary People Extraordinary Things
86. Thriving not Surviving with Kay Jenner
Join us in celebrating the three-year anniversary of "Ordinary People Extraordinary Things" as we welcome back our very first guest, Kay. Her story is a powerful testament to resilience as she shares her evolution from enduring a painful divorce to achieving remarkable personal and professional growth. Kay's journey over the past three years highlights her pursuit of financial independence, career advancement, and spiritual well-being, offering hope and inspiration to all who face similar challenges.
Explore the profound theme of friendship and self-discovery in this enlightening episode. We discuss the importance of overcoming codependency and recognizing one's inherent worth without relying on external validation. This journey of self-growth emphasizes the significance of faith and introspection while also cherishing genuine friendships that support authenticity.
“I am enough, because I am a daughter of God.”
Finally, embrace kindness as a guiding principle throughout life's journey. By surrounding ourselves with friends who offer diverse perspectives, we enrich our lives and cultivate gratitude. Reflecting on personal experiences, we uncover the joy and beauty present in daily life, choosing happiness over resentment. As the episode concludes, we express gratitude to our listeners and tease an exciting upcoming episode featuring an extraordinary Christmas lights mission. Join us for more inspiring stories of ordinary people achieving extraordinary things.
You can listen to our very 1st episode with Kay:
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https://generationstogenerations.com/podcast
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Stories shared by guests may not always be shared views of OPET.
Being a guest does not mean OPET approves of every decision or action in the guests' life.
We all have a story, all of us, share your story. You don't have to have the perfect answer or the perfect life - share what Jesus is doing in your life. This is an easy, real way to witness & share your testimony.
This marks three years of Ordinary People, extraordinary Things. I am so excited. Thank you so much for either coming on today for our very first episode or being with us from the very beginning. I'm so blessed to be celebrating three years. So today, for our three-year anniversary, I wanted to bring on our very first guest. Can't wait for you to hear this, and thank you so much for making Ordinary People, extraordinary Things what it is today. Welcome to Ordinary People, extraordinary Things. We're here with Kay. Kay, thanks for coming. Thank you for having me. So I'm so excited. If you don't remember, kay was our very first podcast guest, so I asked her to come back because we're celebrating three years on Ordinary People, extraordinary Things and I'm so excited about that and I thought what better way to celebrate three years than to have Kay back and kind of talk about what she's learned in the last three years, how her own story has evolved. So I'm so thankful she said yes.
Speaker 2:Thank you again. I appreciate being here and hopefully the words I speak today will resonate or help another woman who's gone through some of the similar things I've experienced.
Speaker 1:Yes and for sure. Check out the first episode if you haven't. But if someone is like, well, who is this person? Can you give 30 words or phrases to describe yourself?
Speaker 2:Yes, I actually had to call a friend and ask for some help, because it's really hard sometimes to describe your own self without being too self-righteous or self-condemning.
Speaker 2:And so some words that I got from both of my children, my boys and my very best friend in Florida. They said words like kind and thoughtful, caring, nurturing. I'm an empath, I'm a helper. And then the one word that they all three said ironically they all told me I was a survivor and I agree with that. But when I ran that word over with another friend who I'm very close to at church, she said I don't see you as a survivor, I see you as a thriver. And.
Speaker 2:I kind of tilted my head. What? What do you mean? Thriver? I'm not thriving. And she said I've known you for many years and I've seen you experience incredible challenges and pain and hurt and disruption of life, and you're a thriver because every time you experience something hard, you grow from it and you search from within and you change and you evolve, whereas survivors you know they survive and then that's it. And so that was a shocking way to describe myself, but I thought I'd share it because I am as intrigued in that word as I was when she told me about it.
Speaker 1:I love that yeah. I love that. That is so good, because we all go through things, but it's. Are we going to learn? Are we going to grow? Are we going to be able to not just live at a base level but to thrive? Wow, I love that.
Speaker 2:Thank you for sharing that. Yeah, I was very touched by that word. I've never chosen that word to describe myself, nor has anybody ever told me I was a thriver.
Speaker 1:Right, but then you can probably show that to someone else. I bet that you see that in them and how impactful that might be absolutely oh, that's good. So where are you three years later from our last podcast, sure? What have you learned?
Speaker 2:so our last podcast was focused on forgiveness, and when we did our last podcast, I was fresh out of a very unexpected divorce. It it wasn't my choosing, it wasn't part of my hopes and dreams, and so I went through a severe amount of devastation. So it's been three years and I would say the first year was absolutely unbearable. I wasn't very kind to myself. I retreated into myself. I wasn't utilizing tools and healing techniques to help myself grow. I was basically just sticking my head in the sand and licking my wounds.
Speaker 1:So maybe just surviving at that point.
Speaker 2:Surviving, absolutely. And then the second year came where I was much more action-oriented, where I'm gonna do all these things and conquer this and beat this and feel better, and dust was kicked up through that process and so that landed me in therapy, Okay, and so I sought out those resources and really dove into it and explored a lot of childhood trauma that I experienced and some of the things that you know were triggered from my divorce. Here I am now, On the surface. When you ask how am I doing in the last three years, one of the first things I did after divorce is I went through Financial Peace University to learn how to budget like a boss.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's such a good one, and survive in a financial way, because divorce is so financially devastating, especially to someone who didn't have control of the finances and was told she couldn't do math and things like that. So there was a conscious incompetence about finances, so that was a good thing that I did. I also went back to school for a year and got a international healthcare certification it's called CPXP and passed this massive exam and that helped me to gain some confidence and it also allowed me to be promoted to a manager level role at work.
Speaker 2:That's awesome, as you know, in our last podcast, I had been working part-time in my marriage and I was faced with going back to work full-time, and so that really helped to excel me into a manager and leadership role. I've really delved into my fitness commitment, taking care of my body in a physical way. I've joined a weekly Bible study, so that's been wonderful. We're in Torah, so we've read Genesis and Exodus, and now we're in Leviticus, and so that's been really incredible having those intellectual conversations with people who I feel know so much more than I do about the Bible and then also being accepted when I ask questions that are out of the ordinary type of question.
Speaker 2:My kids are getting bigger and my youngest son is driving.
Speaker 2:He's making a stay off the roads in Parker, my older son is a mail carrier at the Parker Post Office and he is officially off the payroll. I got a new puppy. I moved out of that horrible apartment that I was living in. Post-divorce I bought myself a little townhouse, so structurally things are falling into place. I've also gained new friends. I lost a lot of friends in my divorce but I've gained friends and we'll talk about that later today. But there's a reality to it, there's an undertow. I've been in therapy, I've done the EMDR, I've gone to weekly sessions.
Speaker 1:Sorry, what's?
Speaker 2:EMDR. It's a therapy technique to help me explore the past and resolve issues that are triggers or traumas.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, another thing that I experience is I really do keep my circle small, whereas before I had this vast amount of friends that turned out to not really be real friends.
Speaker 2:you know, they were more acquaintances, so I keep my circle small okay and I think that's just part of the healing process and maybe some parts of not trusting people as openly as I did previously. I don't go to big events. I don't go to parties or bars like the stereotypical divorcee would do. I really do enjoy solo time. I had my first son when I was so, so young, and so, you know, in my age now I've never been alone, and so sometimes I find myself on my patio just sitting in the quiet and enjoying the world around me, and I'm comfortable with that. I don't feel alone. I don't feel alone. I don't feel lonely, I feel at peace, and I like that. It's safe for me.
Speaker 1:Some people say it's not healthy, but for me it's what's working right now. Sorry, could I stop you for a second and ask you have you always been okay with being alone and solo and in the quiet, or is that something new?
Speaker 2:I was first at the party, always wanted to go to the barbecue, be social, have lots of friends keep in touch with people, social media and that's really changed in me because I don't feel that I need to put my life on display and share, you know, intimate things or personal things with many people and now I just share those things with people I trust. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so I do know that that's an effect of divorce, because that's not who I was previously. Okay, um, that I find comfort in being alone and and, of course, just like all women and working mother, I have doubt, I have fears, you know, sometimes crippling anxiety, um, and so I don't know if I can attribute that directly to divorce, but it's definitely a new thing for me, where I had much more confidence previously, and now I'm just okay being, you know, the small girl in the corner. I'm comfortable there. One thing I wanted to talk about is the divorce itself. You know, when you go through a divorce, especially when it's unwanted, unplanned and unexpected. For me, I felt like I had this target on my back and everyone knew I was divorced. I would sit in church alone and I would think people would judge me or think about me, and through the therapy and everything I've experienced with healing, I've realized that divorce is grief.
Speaker 2:It is profound grief, it is loss. It's not just loss of your house, but it's loss of your dreams. It's loss of, for me, my identity.
Speaker 2:I didn't even know who I was after divorce. I didn't know what my favorite color was, because he told me what my favorite color was and I just went along. You know, got along to. You know, go along to get along. You know, got along to. You know, go along to get along.
Speaker 2:I do realize too that you know, when people experience loss of a loved one through death, there's so much more support in the community. You know, people bring meals and take all the time you need, come back to work when you're ready, whereas when I went through my divorce it was was can I take two days off to move? And once I moved, it was needing to be a hundred percent and and get through that in a very quick matter of fact. It's the splitting of C's and then you just move on. And so that grieving process has taken a long time for me because there's many things that I'm grieving. It's not just the divorce itself or the broken marriage. It was so many underlying things that I've had to really work through and deal with, especially through therapy that's a good point.
Speaker 1:Thank you for bringing that up. As far as I was thinking, when you were saying there was different like levels, I was like, oh, that sounds like grief. Where you go, you know there's the steps of grief.
Speaker 2:Yeah, denial, anger, right that kind of thing, and then in social circles they're the stereotype of divorced women, the number one question I get asked when I run into a friend that I haven't seen. The very first question are you dating? Oh and there's this pressure to move on. You know I'll hear things from people. You You'll find a new man Like. It's like buying a new shirt at the store or something you know or.
Speaker 2:I've had friends, you know, almost pressure me to date trying to set me up with people just because they're single. We've got to be the perfect match, not even in an encouraging way, but I feel it's more pressure. You've got to get out there. You're never going to meet someone if you're sitting on your patio. I've even had a friend tell me after. She asked me if I was dating and she said let me guess Jesus is the man in your life.
Speaker 1:Just very disparaging, very condescending.
Speaker 2:I said with confidence well, yes, he is, but there's a social pressure to move on. I have a group of friends who have been separated or gone through divorce and quite a few of them have moved on rather quickly, where they didn't take the time to heal and get to know themselves, their new selves, and they're in toxic relationships. And so I'm just kind of sitting in the background observing their experiences and you know not that I'm never going to date again or move on. I'll move on when I'm ready, when God tells me to.
Speaker 1:Well and the social pressure to be married is very widespread.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I had another friend say if you don't get out there and start dating, you're going to end up an old lady with cats. And I said, well, dogs maybe, not cats. It'll come for me in time and I've realized through my healing process that there's there's no timeline in healing from divorce and you know it's my timeline, it's God's timeline. There shouldn't be any pressure to do something and move on and and feel fulfilled because I'm in a relationship and therefore I have, you know, succeeded.
Speaker 2:So, that's been really different. And then also with friends that I had previously, friends who I would consider to be incredible friends, all of a sudden are jealous of me when I'm around their husbands, like you know. And so there's that social aspect of it. I, just because I'm single, in their minds means I'm desperate, and you know, and so there's that social aspect of it like just because I'm single in their minds means I'm desperate, and you know, sometimes I think you know you've been telling me how horrible your marriage is for 10 years.
Speaker 2:You think I'd want to move on with that, so that's been kind of tough. Is like having friends change just because I'm single okay, yeah being being the third wheel when I go out to dinner. Um, but that that slowlyates with time, so that's kind of another reason I like to stay on my patio. So another thing you asked me is what have I learned through this?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And a lot of what I've learned has really been through the counseling and therapy, because the therapy helped me to see my own worth, instead of allowing it to be defined by the deeds that I did of the day if that makes sense, and then also explore my childhood.
Speaker 2:In my childhood, the way I grew up and the support systems and resources that I had around me, it forced me to become what I would have called very independent. When I realized, in counseling I was very codependent, and so that was a new term for me and realizing that when I met my ex-husband I, without knowing it or being able to articulate it, I was so desperate to be loved and accepted that I tolerated anything. I tolerated poor behavior, I tolerated poor treatment towards me, I tolerated being, you know, not even second choice, but like hundredth and tenth choice. I tolerated not being able to share my opinions.
Speaker 2:How does this codependency show up in my new self and how to recognize the sign so that I don't enter a new relationship having that mindset and then also I've been able to acquire some tools to be able to cope and deal and, you know, breathe through times where I'm feeling anxious or nervous. I've learned that I am enough because I am a daughter of God. I am enough just the way I am, and the growth that I'm doing is part of the process. It's not something that I failed at or didn't learn before and therefore you know I'm less than it's been a process where it's been a beautiful process to unfold and learn and relearn and allow that to be okay, that I don't know everything about myself and that I'm still growing and evolving and that God is right next to me, by my side, supporting me through this growth. And then I also ultimately learned.
Speaker 2:I still have a whole lot more to learn about myself and to find those answers, you know, through my relationship with the Lord, but also within myself, instead of the outside world the earthly temptations and social, you know, expectations and things like that.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, I've learned a great deal. And then a beautiful thing you know, I've learned that I can do it. I can buy a house, I can succeed in school, I can raise my children and still be an incredible mom. Those things were not taken from me, whereas when I first went through the divorce there was so much loss loss of hopes and dreams, friends, future planning, all of these things.
Speaker 2:But then in my healing process I realized there were a lot of things that I didn't lose that were consistent, that were beautiful, that I needed to kind of like wipe the clouds out of my eyes to see and see them clearly, and so that's been a blessing to realize that.
Speaker 1:That's. That's really beautiful. That's beautiful. You talked about some friends. Yes.
Speaker 1:I think people either are they have a lot of friends, like you just said, they are very social, they have tons of friends, or you have almost the very opposite of when they talk about, hey, who are your five friends of influence? Or you need to be in community, but you know all this stuff it's very anxious of. I don't have that and I don't know how to get that, and that's a lot of pressure and I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't have these people in my group, this tribe. However, you want to say it how, how, what would you say to them?
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, previously I had a tribe, but I realized they weren't my tribe. Um, you know the, the women that stopped calling stopped inviting because I was a threat to them or because I was no longer the wife of so, and so I have found my people. It's not necessarily a tribe, because we don't all come together and hang out.
Speaker 2:They don't even know each other. But it's been really cool because I have found some people that have really helped to elevate me as a woman, me as a person, me as a colleague. These people that I'm mentioning I won't mention their name, but they are the most unusual friends that have popped up that have come into my life. They are different generations. One of the people that I'll reference is 87 years old. One of the people that I'll reference is 87 years old and he's been an incredible companion to me he and his wife, both.
Speaker 2:I have another friend that we send scripture to each other daily devos. I have another friend that we have weekly conversations about our walk. You know our week and our walk with the Lord. I have another friend that I recently met, a couple years ago, who continually sends me encouraging wisdom calls and checks on me, make sure I'm okay, not from the preference of wanting something from me or, you know, needing to put the picture on Facebook, but this person really cares about who I am and who I'm becoming and how I'm feeling and it's just a really comforting type of friendship.
Speaker 2:But we have we do different things than I would do with my tribe before, whereas we would go out and do girls things. And now I am, you know, having intellectual conversations and people are listening to me without judgment. I don't have to put on. This persona of life is wonderful, with the white picket fence. I have weekly meetings and we do Bible studies. We talk about our relationship with the Lord and how we can be better. I get spiritual encouragement, we pray together. They check in on me. We'll go on walks and experience this beautiful earth that we have and all the trails that we have in Parker. But ultimately, just having having these true, genuine friends from different walks of life, different genders, different ages, different ethnicities, having them reach out because they care about me, means the world to me and that means so much more than being invited to girls night. It's just so much more meaningful, more richness in the friendship and it's more genuine and it's just really comforting. It really is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can see a difference. And you're you're right. I think that a lot of anxiety might be coming out of social media and hey, we're hanging out, we're doing this, we're doing that, and then I don't have that. And you're like yeah, and that's okay.
Speaker 2:I went to this women's conference at a church and the topic of the conference was flourishing, and I legitimately did not understand what that meant because I had been surviving my entire life and you know women were talking about how they flourish and I'm just kind of like marveling at what they mean by it.
Speaker 2:And you know I want that, I want to flourish. You know I kept telling myself well, I'm not there yet. How are all these women flourishing? Are they being honest about their flourishing? Because I know we all experience pain and challenges. And then there's that underlying question of what exactly does flourishing look like in a day-to-day? Life, because not?
Speaker 2:every day is sunshine and roses, and what I came to the conclusion on is I don't have to be flourishing, but I know I'm on my way, I know I'm on the path to get there, whatever that means. And I think about with my relationship with the Lord. I think about also my childhood and my upbringing. I was brought up Roman Catholic. Growing up Jesus was a scary dead guy on the cross. He was not my protector, my best friend, he was not the Prince of Peace. You know everything that I did. If you do this you're a sinner, If you do that you're bad.
Speaker 2:And so my relationship with the Lord has really evolved and changed as I've gravitated towards more Christianity but also having that internal peace of knowing I might not be flourishing yet, but I have the Lord with me and he flourishes within me. And I've spent so much time, especially in the last year, searching for answers. You know, mostly asking why me, god, why did this happen to me? And there's this little sweet story I want to share with you. You know how sometimes you hear the most sweetest innocent things from the mouth of babes.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:One day after my divorce, I was having one of those days where I just couldn't stop crying. I couldn't control it, I was weepy, I was broken and I was trying to fake it in front of my kids. And I was. I was actually making them sloppy joes and I kept turning around to the stove. They were sitting on the kitchen counter behind me and I literally could see tears falling into the sausage doughs. Don't tell my children, they'll kill me.
Speaker 2:And as soon as dinner was ready, I went to the couch and I still had tears and I was trying to, you know, suck it up and be strong. And, you know, my little son came up to me and crawled up at my lap and he said Mama, mama, I know dad did this to you, but I also know God did this for you. And so I reflect on those words and, especially when I think about flourishing, I reflect on those words and think nothing was done to me. This was all done for me to help get me to the point where I have this incredible relationship, not only with friends, but with the Lord as well, with my church and and with myself, most importantly.
Speaker 1:That's beautiful, thank you. Thank you for sharing that. I can see just that story in itself really really touching someone. Yeah, thank you for sharing that.
Speaker 2:Yeah and I heard this incredible quote when you do find your people, those people leave a blueprint on your mind, a handprint on your heart and an imprint on your soul. And so I reflect on that and I think about these special people that I mentioned before and how they have left the blueprint, the handprint and the imprint on me, friends on me, and it's like I said, it's just, it's a wonderful feeling to know that I have people who are there, who care and and care about who I am and how I am.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I wonder if part of the problem with finding friends is that you want one or two friends to have all of these attributes and it's sounding kind of like all of your friends have special attributes that pour into you. They're all very different.
Speaker 2:They're all very different and I think it's very common. When you're trying to find your people, you naturally gravitate towards people who are like you. You know people who are in the same. You know part of life as you, or go to the same church as you, or went to the same high school as you, and all these people that I'm mentioning here I've met at different points of my life and they, they bring a richness to me because of their experience and their, their passion and just their genuine hearts yeah, yeah, I really like that.
Speaker 1:I do too. I think I'll keep them. Well, as we wrap up, we always wrap up with what is your favorite Bible verse or story.
Speaker 2:I always tend to gravitate towards Romans 8, 28. And so that says and for those who love God, all things work together for good for those who are called according to his purpose. And so, yeah, a terrible thing happened to me I got divorced.
Speaker 2:You know horrible, terrible thing at the time, but it's amazing to think about what God is going to do with this for me, you know how he's going to join forces, how he's going to allow me to possibly impact other people someday, support another person going through it and, you know, not only repair my relationship with myself, but also with my ex-husband too.
Speaker 2:We're friends, we're on good terms. Co-parenting is a challenge, but one thing I promised myself is that I wouldn't allow my heart to grow hardened, and I don't think I have. I've become stronger through that, and so this verse really resonates with who I am today, as an ex-wife, as a co-parent is that all these things will work together for the good. And so, trusting in that and, you know, just laying out at the cross and allowing God to do his wonders and not try to control it, not try to fix it, but just really leaning into how these things are going to work for good, and knowing that I am called according to His purpose, and so, as I still search to find what that is, this is definitely a verse that I often reflect on.
Speaker 1:How do you not let your heart grow hard?
Speaker 2:From watching other people do it. I've seen so many women go through bitter divorces where 20 years later, they're still angry, they're still spiteful, and I didn't want to become that and of course I was angry at times, but I didn't allow it to fester and stick there. I worked through it to be able to trust that God has made all these things work for his good. I don't want to be angry. I don't want to be that bitter person. I know anger is a true emotion and we have to honor and recognize it when it creeps up. But I just know myself and I do have a kind heart. And why would I change that? Because somebody else made a decision that impacted my life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you don't let it fester. So if it comes up you don't feed it. Is that kind of yeah don't?
Speaker 2:feed the beast. Okay, don't feed the beast. Because these women that I referenced, who are bitter and angry. Whether it's two years, you know 20 years down the road. I see how it affects their physical health.
Speaker 2:I see how it affects their aging process, their ability to cope and interact with other people, their lack of social awareness, when all they're talking about is you know their ex did this or you know my child's father did that, and it's not a feeling that I ever felt comfort with in those conversations. Of course you want to be supportive to those women, but you don't want to become that either.
Speaker 1:That's really good and I think that from the very beginning I think that's why I said I was just kind of drawn to you because you do have this spirit of love and not of anger and resentment, and so I think that really does show in you.
Speaker 2:It helps. It really helps to alleviate the heaviness of going through something like that and finding joy in the things around you, because sometimes life is just too painful inside, you know, and there's got to be good in every day, there's got to be beauty in every sight and vision that you have, if you search for it.
Speaker 2:I think as humans, you know, we can make the choice to be happy or we can make the choice to be miserable. I think the amount of effort, of work and energy that you put into either one, it's the same amount of work. It's just for to achieve different purposes, so good.
Speaker 1:What are you grateful for?
Speaker 2:You know I had a hard time reflecting on that question when we discussed it. I honestly, I'm grateful for the journey. I really am. Had I have been born into the perfect family with the perfect life, without struggles, I don't think that I would be as evolved as I am now, because I think you grow most in pain. I think the lessons are in the valley, they're not at the mountaintop. There's very thin up there, and so I'm grateful for the journey and that, I think, incorporates the journey that I've gone through with my relationship with the Lord, with my children, with my career, even with my own family. So, yeah, I'm grateful for the journey.
Speaker 1:That's wonderful to hear, knowing what your journey has been Right.
Speaker 2:Sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think that that speaks to your Romans 8 Bible verse, right, yes, yeah that speaks to your Romans 8 Bible verse, right?
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, I think if people were to look at me on the outside, there's assumptions that oh, she's this or she's that, or you know, she's got it all together. I think there's assumptions and when we met at church, when I gave that talk about forgiveness, I had quite a few women come up to me saying things like I would have never known that you experienced this or that. You know I would have assumed that you have this like perfect Douglas County housewife. You know story about you and you know. It really makes me think about you.
Speaker 2:Just, you never know what people are battling. You never know what people are dealing with, what kind of day they've had, what kind of life they've had. And you have to assume you know not only positive intent, but you have to assume that everyone has struggled to some degree, whether it's on the outside or the inside, and to not make those stereotypes of people just because they look some type of way on the outside, and knowing that everyone has a journey, everyone has a broken heart, everyone has wonderful things in their life as well, and it's really about sitting down and getting to know the heart of people, regardless of how they appear on the outside, regardless of their background, their age, their ethnicity, and just looking really at the human centeredness of the person's spirit and being curious about who they are.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and that's why I love stories and that's why we're here. So what kindness have you received in the last week, or what kindness have you given?
Speaker 2:That is a really appropriate question for what's going on in my life right now. So I reached out to you before this podcast and I had shared with you that our family has gone through a trauma in the last couple of weeks. My 19-year-old nephew recently died by suicide and it's been traumatic and awful and horrible and shocking and all the things. And also we lost my older brother to suicide years ago, and so it's almost like reliving a trauma. And so, taking you back to the beginning of this, when I said I was grew up to be very independent. Part of being independent is I didn't ask for help, I didn't receive help, I didn't say I needed things. And so when you asked me this question of how have I received kindness in the last two weeks since I returned from traveling for my nephew's service and handling his affairs, I was kind to myself because I allowed people to help me. I would have normally closed my doors and said I don't need anything. I got it, I'm strong, I'm capable, I'll go to the store and get milk, even though I haven't brushed my hair in three days.
Speaker 2:But this time I did reach out and I received incredible kindness. One person in particular from church who I'm very close with. She came by my townhouse and dropped off four bags of groceries milk, eggs, all the things that I hadn't gone to the store to get and she just did it in a non-intrusive way I just want to give you a hug, and here's some groceries. And that was so kind because I really, really needed those groceries at the time. My son was telling me we were out of milk and I accepted that, and so that was incredibly kind.
Speaker 2:I also had amazing people, even like you, saying I'm praying for you, I'm praying for your nephews, my niece, who was also, you know, left by her brother, and so that incredible kindness that people are thinking of me and praying for me and cheering me on has been a kindness that I've allowed to be led into my world and in my heart, where normally I would have said no, I got this and I'm okay. So I think that's a very important life lesson, especially for us women, because sometimes we are our own worst critic. We set the illusion that we can do all things and a lot of times we can't. And so just being kind to yourself by accepting help and admitting where you need help, I think that there's no better way to be kind to yourself than allowing that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then you were allowing people to show that kindness in return. I was very thankful that, just out of the blue I mean we'd been talking, but I didn't reach out to you that day and be like, hey, how's your day? And you just reached out and said, hey, I need you to pray for me, I need you to pray for our family, and I'm thankful that you did that and that I could walk alongside you in a very, very, very, very small way, but that you allowed me to do that.
Speaker 2:And I reached out to you specifically because I see you as so soulful and so not religious but so spiritually practiced, and I know that your prayers go up into heaven. I know God hears your prayers. And so I reached out to you specifically because I know and I can trust that when you say you're praying for someone, you do. I think all too often people, oh yeah, you're in my prayers, you're in my prayers, but are you really? I think all too often people, oh yeah, you're in my prayers, you're in my prayers, but are you really? You know, are you actually? You know you wrote down my niece's name when we talked so that you could specifically pray for her. Yeah, and that matters to me, and that's why I specifically reached out to you and told you, even though it was raw and it was hard, and it's hard to type.
Speaker 1:Right, you know a text like that, and so I really appreciate your kindness as well and your prayers in this alone. You're not alone. I'm here by chance. If you needed anything, hopefully you would let me know, but I like that little tidbit, if that helps anybody, of when you are praying for them, or even if you're praying for them every day. You might not have to do that every day, but once in a while just let them know hey, I'm still here, I'm still thinking of you, and so thank you for that.
Speaker 2:It matters. It really does matter. It really does make a difference in the healing process. And you know, getting through the cobwebs of going through something like that, Just knowing that there's angels in the outfield like yourself that are taking the prayer seriously, really meaning it and actually doing it.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, thank you. Thank you for sharing that. I know that, beyond everything, there's so much more going on with your story and all of our stories, like you just said, so thank you for sharing that.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1:Well, I am so thankful that Kay was on for our third anniversary podcast and there's just so many tidbits in there. I am just. I just know that wherever you are in your walk, there's something that came out of there. So I appreciate your story and sharing and being vulnerable.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and if there's any other women out there listening who have gone through divorce, your life is not over. You are worthy of a healthy, loving relationship. You are worthy of love. You will get through this and, even though your life may feel like it's been broken into a thousand pieces of glass, it's your opportunity to take that glass and make a beautiful mosaic out of it and the purpose that God created for you.
Speaker 1:Well, we'll end with that. Thanks for listening to Ordinary People Extraordinary Things, where your story is His glory. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being a part of three years of Ordinary People Extraordinary Things, where your story is His glory. But we are not finished. In two weeks come back for a brand new episode. We are going to talk to two people that have made Christmas lights part of their mission. They have one of the biggest Christmas light displays that I've ever seen at one person's house. You won't want to miss this really fun story.